The New Hooker Joke

The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

She said, "Well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine."

"So, what did he want to do?" they all asked.

"I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much. So, I told him that oral sex would be $75, but he didn't have that much either. Finally, I said, 'Well, how much do you have?' The marine said that he only had $25. So, I said, 'Well, for $25 all I can do is service you by hand.

"He agreed and after getting the finances straight, he pulled it out, and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first, and then the first hand above the second hand"

"Oh my God" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge. Then what did you do?"

"I loaned him the $75!"

Sore Throat Remedy Joke

Hi! How are you?

Fine. But I think I have a sore throat.

I know what to do. Every time when I have a sore throat I'm having an oral sex with my husband and it helps me!

The great idea, I will try...

On the second day:

Well, how do you feel? Did it help?

Yes, thank you very much, my throat is all right. But your husband couldn't believe that it was your idea!

Weight Scale Joke

At a pharmacy, Judi asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.

The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing Judi and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

'It won't work,' Judi countered. 'I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt.'

Impolite Child Joke

Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle.

'No, no, no!' she screamed.

'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.'

With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you! No, thank you!

Get yourself a train Joke

Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when all my Teachers travel by train.

Your Son
Alfred

Sometime later Alfred gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:
Loving son,
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.

Your Dad

Triplet Honeymoons Joke

A mother had triplet daughters and, sure enough, they all got married the same day. On their wedding night, mom tells each one to write back about their married life. To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to use newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how their love lives are going.

Two days later the letters start to arrive from the various honeymoon destination spots.

The first one has the simple message: "Maxwell House Coffee". The mother gets the newspaper and checked the Maxwell House advertisement, and it says, "Satisfaction to the last drop." Mother is very happy.
The next day she gets the second letter. It reads: "Rothman's Mattresses". So the mother looks at the Rothman's Mattresses ad and it's headlined, "Full Size, King Size". And the mother is happy.
But she waits and waits for the third letter. It finally arrives after three weeks and has the message: "British Airways". Mother is at first perplexed, and when she finally finds the British Airways ad she fainted. The ad read:
"Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Previous forest officer joke

A forest officer was transferred to a remote area deep inside the jungle where the population was still uncivilized. Further, it was rumored that once upon a time, the people of this tribe were cannibals. One day the officer asked a small child: “Dear boy, how was our previous forest officer?” The child replied: “Very tasty, sir.”